Monday, October 31, 2005

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I caught a Care Bear!

Friday, October 28, 2005

Ham and Eggs Radio - Pt. II - Voices in the Night

I've been doing amatuer (Ham) radio for about 15 years or so. Just 10 more and I'm in at the Quarter Century Wireless Club! Woo Hoo! But for most of that 15 years, I've been kinda fickle about what I have been doing. I really like 2 meters. All my ham radio friends are there. I like doing traffic nets, but from where I am I can't seem to get into the repeater to check it. It sucks!

But over the past few years, I've been getting more and more active on HF. I managed to save up and get a couple of HF radios. One being my trusty Yaesu FT-901DM. This big ol' boat anchor was not my first HF radio. That honor goes to my old trusty HTX-100. A 10 meter only radio that I traded for my second HF radio, a Heathkit! I don't remember the model number, but it came with the matching power supply and speaker and desk mic. It took up my WHOLE desk! I had no room for anything else. But alas, it just sat there for the longest time and I sold it off or traded it for something, I can't remember.

Now fast forward a couple mroe years. The HF bug is starting to take hold again. So I want to get another radio, but the ones I want are like $1000! And I can't come up with that kind of money because it always seems like something else comes up that requires money! My car breaks down or an unexpected bill. So when I was offered the chance to get the Yaesu and pay later, I jumped on it! So I picked it up at Tom's, N2SQO's house one night with a then friend in tow. The friend has since married another friend and tore his heart up and gone "plum loco" since all this has happened and has done myush to get people to be pissed at her! But, her and I go and pick up the radio. All 40 lbs of it! Tube final amp stage, soldi state for the rest. My first tube radio. Oooo.. I could see it all now, the glow of the tubes, the warm audio. I was gonna be in heaven! I already had my general class klicense so I had HF privledges so I was ready to go. I also had an HF antenna that I bought for my HTX-100 but was till in the damn box! An AV-5 from Cushcraft. So I was gonna get to go on the air! But for some reason I can't remember, I ended up getting a G5RV antenna and putting that up instead.

But I was on! I was up and running. I looked up my provledges on the 40 meter band one day, tunes up the radio per the instructions in the manual and started calling "CQ 40 CQ 40, this is Kilowatt Bravo Two, Mike Oscar Bravo, calling CQ 40 and listening!". I did that about 10 times and I finally got someone! WOW! My first telephony contact on 40! I don't remeber his call but we started out doing the usual, "Name here is Rich! And I'm located in Gloversville, NY. QSL?". (QSL is morse code shorthand for did you copy me?) Well He came back to me and come to find out.. He was in Albany. Rats.. no DX there. But it was still fun! 40 meters during the day can get about maybe 500 miles range, and by night go world wide! But I usually was on VHF at night chatting away or out with the guys here in town. I tried a few other bands but didn't seem to get anywhere. I pretty muched stayed away from 20 meters because I had heard that some of the ops on there were kinda rude. Something I later lerned to be untrue. Most were very nice and courteous!

So now you have an idea of how it all kinda started for me on HF. If you're curious how I got started in amateur radio itself? Well, you'll have to read the previous post here. But from the title of this post, you probably thought I was gonna talk about playing radio at night. Well I am.. this was all a setup! Yeah long but you have some back ground now..

Lately, I have found something cool on amateur radio. AM as in Amplitiude Modulation. Ok.. here's the break down. Amplitude Modulation == Amplitutde (noun):The height of a radio wave from its highest point or peak to its zero level or lowest point, in any given sample or at any point along the line of the wave; the power of a sound wave expressed by the height of the sound wave in a given instance. If you could follow that good! If not, well, you can google it :)

Now.. Modulataion (noun): A method of placing one signal on top of another by altering the base or carrier signal in a particular way that can be decoded to extract the additional, modulated signal. Modulation simply takes a baseline signal and alters it to carry the information of a second signal. A radio station modulates the radio frequency by altering its frequency (FM) or its amplitude (AM).

So there you go. Put those together and you go it. AM was the first mode of radio. FM didn't come around till the late 1940 early 50's courtesy of a fellow named Edwin Armstrong. I'll get into him in a later post someday (Remind me ok?). Once the other more efficent or smaller modes like Single Sideband and such came along, AM was kinda pushed aside but still had a devot group of fans. Much like the Amiga computer, which I also am a fan of! But if you listen to an AM radio broadcast, weither it's WGY (810 AM) or WENT (1340 AM), they all have that nice warm round sound to them. I fell in love with that. And so did a bunch of other hams out there. Tuning into some of the AM'ers on 40 meters or 75/80 meters, you can hear the fantastic sound these guys produce with their radios. These guys are affinados when it comes to great audio fidelity. I fell in love with that sound, and now I want to be a part of that. My drawback? I don't know enough about electronics to homebrew any of my own equipment. Oh yeah I could go out and buy what I needed. But these guys take all kinds of joy in building there own equipment most of the time. I want that kind of joy too. So I'm trying to study my manual to get my Extra class license and struggling with the electronic theroy and math. At one point I was taking practice tests and could get a 65% on it. But I stopped for a while and now it's all gone :( . So I'm back to square 1.

But, AM is something that has now sparked my interest in being very active on the amateur bands again. And this isn't an overnight thing. This has been brewing for years! And now I'm finally getting down to doing something about it! Come hell or high water, I'm gonna get this done!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Ham and Eggs Radio - Pt. I - "In The Beginning..."

So I'm a geek. I've been known to walk around with a radio on my hip or in my hand. Why? Cuz I love radio. How much do I love it? Well, I've been playing with radio since the CB days in the late 70's! Ever since the FCC ditched the licenses for Citizens Band when I was a kid, I payed on the radio. I had the toy 49 MHz walkies with the little morse code button. I even had a toy radio that I remember to this day!

It was a little CB reciever from a show I used to get into when I was a little kid. The show was called "Moving On", and it was about a couple of truck drivers that would help people in trouble in their driving around the country doing their truck driver thing. And they used the CB a lot! And I thought that was the coolest thing! Talking on a radio! So one Christmas, Santa brought me this little CB radio with a built in antenna. It was a 23 channel one and it had the "Moving On" Logo with a big rig on it. And it worked I could hear channels 1 through 23! It was awesome! Then I tried to get on the air with it! But for some reason they could never hear me. That was ok wioth me though, it worked on batteries and I could take it anywhere in the neighborhood! I was in heaven.

It was in and out of my toy box for a year and one day I finally got curious as to what a radio looked like on the inside. So I got a screw driver and removed all the screws, carefully putting them down in a place where I wouldn't lose them. One by one till I could open the case. And low and behold I saw a fascinating world! Transistors, capactiors, diodes, resistors. It was like a Micronauts world! (Remember them?!) I was hooked and that was the end of it. But back in those days, the internet was still for the universities and military. Doing whatever advanced research they did back then.

Then I discovered why no one would hear me! The damn mic cable wasn't even attached! It went into the chasis and was then tied in a knot!There wasn't even any wires to the mic! DAMN THEM!!!! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL! Well, I was 6 or something at the time, so I didn't really say that. It was more like "Aw poop!". But you get the general idea of my emotional state then.

So a later, we're visiting a friend of the family. And he's got a CB!! Woo Hoo! And SWAT was on the TV!! Man, I was in heaven! So I asked if I could play with the radio, and he said sure. And that's when I fired up his little CB and started calling "Breaker! Breaker!". I learned the "lingo" from the TV "show". I don;t rememebr much of what happened after that other then talking to a lady. I remember her being nice and patient with me. But I enjoyed it.

I then vowed I would have a radio of my own that worked! But mom and dad were dead set against it. I guess that whole mythos about people on the CB being jerks and hoodlums. Well, I did meet my share in my CB days. But soon I was just using friends radio in their parent's car now and again. Like after school in junior high I would hop on the air from my best friend Bronson's father's truck. Talk for a bit till his dad was ready to go home from the union office. And that was basically how I stayed on the air all thourgh Jr. High.

When I got to high school, I wasn't on much. School took up a lot of my time as well as girls in my senior year. Biut after that, when I was working, I managed to get my hands on some radio equipment and hooked it up in the car and home. I met some interesting people I must say. Let's just say, I wouldn't leave my wallet out around them.

But a few years off and on of CB took it's toll on me. Back in high school I had decided to get my ham radio license. I knew nothing of the Amatuer radio service and wanted to find out more! So I hit the local library and found a few books on the subject. I read and learned how it all worked. Around that time, I was graduating from high school, was on the CB and Radio Shack was starting to distribute the Gordon West study books for getting your amateur radio license. So I saved up, and bought one and started to study. At that time I was working at my parish as a maintence worker and had my first car, a 1976 Dodge Dart. I bought it off one of my co workers. It ran great! I could do what I wanted when I wanted. Freedom! I put in my CB and was off! But CB was starting to get kinda stupid for me then. I had been reading about ham radio and knew more about it. People on the air said that hams were stuck up and snobby. Well, the ones that I had talked to locally were nothing like that. They were helpful and answered all kinds of questions. But me being me, said nothing and made no real judgements.

So I continued to study my handbook and listening to my code tapes. Back then, it was required to take a 5 word per minute morse code receive test, as well as a 30 question written one. So I studied and when I felt I was ready, I called the president of the local ham club, Gary, K2RKW, and he called his friend Otto, who's call escapes me right now... And another gentleman got a bunch of propective ham together and we all showed up at Johnstown High School for a testing session. I was pretty nervous because I wanted to get my license real bad. I took the test and they don't tell you how you did right away. But I was no nervous about my test, that I ended up throwing up later!

While I waited the 4 to 6 weeks for my license to come, I bought a radio. My HTX-100 from Radio Shack. I paid about $300 for it. It would only do 10 meters and only pout out about 25 watts of power and could only do Upper Sideband and CW (Morse code). But it was mine and I loved to just listen to it. At that time, the sunspot cycle was pretty high, so I heard a lot of DX (long distance) stations. Surinam was one that always boomed in! France, Germany, the UK, even South Africa and Saudi Arabia! Wow! I was soo itching to get on! Then finally, my license arrived. Back then, the FCC did everything by mail. No websites or phone systems. You had to wait! And you couldn't pick your callsign. You got what you got and you liked it! You could only change it when you upgraded t the next class of license. I ripped open the letter from the FCC to see what my callsign was. I hoped it was a good one. I whipped the paper out of the envelope and looked.. There it was! My callsign! My first callsign!

K-B-2-M-O-B!

"Whoa!!!" I thought.. "That's an awsome callsign!". I loved it! I was so proud of myself. I rushed down stairs and fired up my HTX-100. For weeks I waited to push that tranmit button and now I could! I found a frequency that was quiet and made my first call! HOLY SHIT! FRANCE!!! France came back to me! It was awesome! I had been listening to QSOs (Morse code shorthand for a conversation) for weeks and knew what to say. It was awesome. My first ham radio contact! Sadly I don't have the logs from back then, as the FCC didn't really require them anymore. Nor do I have the QSL card (A postcard stations exchange to confirm a 2 way contact) from my first contact either. But that is ok. It's still a great memory and the start of a cool hobby.

Soon after I got fed up with some of the hijinx on CB. Ham radio seemed more to my liking. Most of the rumors of how hams acted were false. I was one of them now and I didn't act that way. I wasn't into yelling at people on the air and lockig down a channel because I didn't like what they had to say. Yeah, that can happen on ham radio, but justice is dealt out by the FCC, not by going to someone's house and smashing their shit up or clipping their feedlines. So I literally smashed my old CB radio and haven't been on the CB for quite some time.

I've listened in and heard people I haven't talked to in a long time, but I really don;t have any interest in keying up on CB. It's just not as fun as amateur radio. I can do without the constant noise from 30,000 people all talking at the same time on a world wide HF band. Even at night sometimes it was bad. I don't miss CB at all, and probably never will. Name another hobby that can talk directly to the astronauts on the space station or the shuttle directly? Damn few if any!

And so that is my humble beginnings in amateur radio.

Monday, October 24, 2005

RF Burnt!!

So while I was waiting around for someone to call about a job for me that I applied for, I decided to work on my antenna and signal problems. I got a MFJ-949D antenna tuner and decided to see if my signal issues were just a badly mismatched antenna. Turns out the feed line's center conductor is broken somewhere. And all I can do is replace it. Ugh.. This is gonna suck. So I do have a spare piece of coax, so if I do confirm that the feedline is broke, then I'll be able to at least get on the air I hope.

I seem to be spending a lot of my off time on the radio, which I have a lot of. Tracy (Shoot3rs) and I spend a lot of time together too which is nice. We went shopping for Terry's halloween costume a few days ago. Had to go to 3 different Targets in Albany to find it! But we found it. My daughter is gonna be what she wants for Halloween and have fun! I plan on making sure she has fun as a Care Bear this year! Pics to be posted when they are available.

So what's new with you?

Friday, October 21, 2005

If It's A Whoopin' Your A Wantin'...

Now since i've been home, i've noticed that I have been getting into some old habits and I really don't like that. The life I had in the mid-west was kinda boring and lonely for the most part, but my general routine I had was great! The only thing I didn't like was working nights. I hated it. But now back here I have the opportunity to work days which will be nice!

There was a job fair for broadcasters at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Albany today, and of course, I was there, pimping myself like a gigalo. Handing out resumes and demo cds. Hopefully, I'll have a shot at some work. If I can get something fulltime, I would be a happy man. Not going to work on a regualr basis is driving me nuts! I'm sure Terry doesn't mind having daddy home all day, but it takes it toll on me. Although I do admit it is nice to have some free time. I can call Tracy and talk on my Yaesu HF rig and chat with friends.

One friend who I have discussed in a couple of past posts, has once again distinguished herself to merit another post. Yes, I'm talking about Amy. What has she done now? Lemme tell ya'!

Amy is the kind of person that likes to bust balls. A lot! And since I've been back and started talking to her again, I seem to be the brunt of it all. Almost makes me think I'm loved! Yeah right! I'll be lucky if she doesn't try to run me over! She accuses me of being a mean daddywhen I try and impose some discpline with Terry and a loser for not being online when she gets on to talk. Stuff like that. Harmless. But somehow, and I know I'll get a lashing for this one.. hehehe... All the abuse I get from her makes me think of little girls or boys who act all mean and nasty to someone that they have some affection for. Could this be the case? Not gonna speculate. Not even gonna give it a thought. I would just bleed from my ears if I did.

The last post I put up she read and said I was gonna get my ass kicked. No clue why. I asked her and she didn't give me a reason. I can only assume it had something to do with a certain picture in a glovebox of my old car.

Anyways, Tracy and I are headed for Target or Tar-zjay if you're so inclined, to look for a costume for Terry. Last year I wanted to get her a Care-Bears costume, but the store was out. So I got her a Dora The Explorer costume. This year I'm going a little more earlier and hopefully there's gonna be one!

Other than that, I do a saturday shift at WENT and got invited to dinner at a friend's house on sunday provided I don't have to work. So we'll see what's up. Aside from that, it's buisness as usual. Whatever usual is. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find a place to hide. Because after Amy reads this, I have a feeling I'm gonna get a whoopin'!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kid in a Candy Store

So Tracy and I were bored Sunday, and Terry was at her grandparents for a couple days. That's typical for me. Always wanting something to do. So we concoted a plan that she would come up and we would find something to go out and do. When she got here, we checked the paper and found a craft fair and decided to hit that up while we waited for my VX5 to charge so I could call some of the guys on the repeaters in Albany and see what they were up to. Well the fair was a bust and couldn't really find anyone on the air, so we ened up going to an apple orchard in Sharon Springs. Man I was bouncing like a fanboy meeting someone from Star Trek!

I had been gone for 2 years and now, I was doing something that I loved doing. I love apples. Crisp, juicy, sweet. They are my favorite fruit! Tracy and I walked around and looked and got some doughnuts and rock candy as well as some apples :D

After that we headed to her friend Tammy's and hung out talking. After which it was a movie at my place. Not a bad Sunday.

Monday I did some work on my Yaesu FT901-DM radio. After that, Tracy came over and we went to Miker's house to hang. Watched some TV and just relaxed. The real entertainment was that Miker was supposed ot get shot with a paintball gun by Patrick and I. But the bastard backed out as usual. But I did get to drink some Guinness!

But today, I go 3 rounds with the ex on the phone cuz she didn't bother to call me when she heard something that was gonna cause a problem. So instead of confronting me and getting the real info, she drags her mom into the mess. Making her cry no less! Aside from her being a mornon, the ex wife needs to find her common sense center to her brain and turn it on! I actually posted it all in the Outback Preservation Society forum.

Then a smart ass know as Amy "The One" Vansomethingorother, has to be a wise ass and play some kind of joke on me.. and I quote...

VanSomething: i have something to tell u
Mobby G: Ok
VanSomething: where did u go?
Mobby G: I'm here
Mobby G: Tell away
Mobby G: Was waiting for you
VanSomething: oh
VanSomething: im here

(I wouldn't have guessed! LOL)

Mobby G: hehe
Mobby G: Ok.. So tell me what you wanted to tell me
VanSOmething: nope
Mobby G: Oh come on.. what was it?
VanAnnoyingMe: nope
Mobby G: Ok.. I'll bite... why not?
VanGetToThePoint: nope
Mobby G: You just wanna make nuts right? Why not? What is it?
Mobby G: <=== Will humm showtunes into your voice mail everyday!
Mobby G: <== Will send you pizzas WITH ANCHOVIES every Wednesday!
VanWiseAss: i dont think so
Mobby G: I'll post on an entry on my blog about the time you suprised me with a polroid of your breats in my glove box!
Mobby G: Thought I forgot huh?
Mobby G: :-)
VanReallyGettingMeUppity: u have to call me to find out


So I call her, and I'm like "So?". She just starts laughing! All she wanted to do was get me to call and laugh at me! DAMN YOU! Now I have tha last laugh! I told the world your devil ways and now I have tha last laugh!!!

BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, now that I have that out of my system.. See if she pulls that again..









(She will...)


Thursday, October 13, 2005

Random Access

So I got some closure with one of the ex's this week. I had been wanting to say something to her for a while now and I finally got to, tonight. Yep. I apologised for the crap I delved up near the end of the whole relationship. Feels good. Yeah it took me a while to even get over her, and I already feel like I have things semi under control in life, it was something that made me feel like a better person. Feels good to be able to talk again about shit. But, I kinda got roped into going to a show where she's doing Home and Garden Party. If she expects me to buy something out of guilt, she's got another thing coming! (Cuz I'm broke.)

So what else? Hmm.. went to a job fair to find a job to cover me till I get working steady again in radio. Man, what a joke that was! I was cracking wise the entire time. For example, walked up to the UPS table and before the lady could open her mouth, I said "What can I do for brown?". The guys snickered, but she was like "Oh, that joke huh?". Boy.. them teamsters have no sense of humor.

"Shoot3rs", the girl I'm currently "involved" with is home. She's been a God send. A good friend. We've been keeping each other sane in our mutual little worlds. Emotional crap is deep and I'm glad she's around with a life line. Somedays I miss her. Others, just talking on the phone or online is enough. Where's it all going? What about Wolfie. Well, got me. I was always one for a Magical Mystery Tour.

And on one last note... The Yanks did pretty good for the way they started this year, but Steinbrenner? Fucking get some manners. You compliment the Angels but nothing for Torre? You're an ass!

'nuff said....

Friday, October 07, 2005

Ulan Colluphid 's Newest Blockbuster: Who is this Wolfie Person Anyways?

It's after 2am and Terry will be in my bedroom in a few hours and wake daddy up. But I just can't seem to sleep tonight and I need to do something to help me sleep. Most of the time, writing about why I can't sleep helps. So that is what this is about. And as you're gonna learn, I can't seem to sleep most of the time.

We met at work. Wolfie had just started and I had been working for at this job for a while. For some reason, the person she was teamed up with to show her the ropes didn't seem to be paying attention or giving her any kind of help on helping her learn the job, so having soft spot and wanting to be "Mr. Helper", I basiclly told her to tag along with me and I would show her the ropes as it were. Now those that know me, know of my sense of humor and how when I get someone to laugh once, I want to get them to laugh a few dozen more times, and with Wolfie, it seemed pretty easy to do. And her sense of humor fit in with mine, so WHAMO! We clicked and hit it right off. I had finally made a friend in Rapid City after nearly 2 years of having no one that I could say was a good friend.

Most of the time when we talked at work, we talked about life in general and such. Griped about our jobs and talked about old friends from childhood. It was like I was hanging with one of the guys from the Outback, and that made me feel more at home. I had been starting to feel home sick since my wife had left and it was just me and Terry. But Wolfie made a lot of those feelings go away. I started finding myself wondering when her and I would be working next. At this point I really didn't have any kind of romantic interest in her. It was just so much fun to work with her, I wanted that feeling everytime I went in! And I think she started feeling the same way, because she went out of town for a week, and I was kind of at a loss at work. When she got back I had said something about it in passing and she asked me why I didn't just call her. Well, she was busy and I didn't want to bug her. Which she promtly told me she wasn't THAT busy and could have easily talked to me on the phone for a good part of the day if we wanted to talk that long.

But dfast forward a few weeks. I've had a tough week, Wolfie has as well, and Terry is with her mom for the weekend. I ready for some fun. So I stop into work to see Wolfie and see if she's up for anything this weekend. Well, she's been having a stressful week as well and is planning on having some friends over to her place for a drinking party. HOT DAMN!!! A drinking party! AN excuse for me to buy expensive beer and tell bad ass jokes. I was in. NOw believe it or not, I didn't have her phone number or her address. I had never really thought of asking her for it at first, but now was the time to ask since I was going to be going to her place. So We exchanged our info and figured out when for me to come over and all was set. I showed up at her place, met some of her friends and hung out all night. In fact we outlasted everyone else and ended up in her kitchen playing a drinking game that neither of us won cuz we got so into talking. Getting to know each other. How awsome is that? (Yeah I hear the one dude going "Why didn't you fuck her?!?!" Hey pal, shut up! Sit down and listen to Uncle Mobster ok?)

So after that and making a few more friends through her, I decided to have a party of my own. I invited my new friends and Wolfie as well and did a BBQ. Now Wolfie couldn't go to my first BBQ, which kinda sucked but she had to work and it was understandable. So I made sure to schedule one that she could go to. But there was a little hitch. I had to work till 10pm at the radio station, so it couldn't start till I got home at 10:30, which seemed to be just fine for my new friend and Wolfie. So I worked, then the time came to play.

The group arrived and before things got started I told them I needed to go to the store and get some stuff for the BBQ since I hadn't gotten a chance to earlier in the day. So we all piled into the car they came in and off we went to Albertson's! Wolfie and I in the back just being ourselves and singing and bopping to the tunes. It was Tonic playing, "If You Could Only See" was the song. I remember that song because Wolfie and I were singing along to it. And this night was gonna be different from the other times her and I worked or hung out.

So we got back, and the BBQ started. We all drank and talked and watched some questionable movies on DVD. Most of the party goers had crashed and some had gone next door to my neighbor's to visit with them. Wolfie and I were the last hold outs at my place watching movies. After one of these movies was done, we just started talking again. As we started to talk about issues of romance in our lives, I could tell she was holding something back and I asked her if she would want to talk about it with me. I like to listen. She said yeah and we talked. I listened and I felt for her. She felt better getting somethings out. Now at this point, we still didn't know what was gonna happen. We had no clue! She said nothing to me about liking me or anything. Her and I together NEVER came up!

But later, Wolfie and I were both ready to crash for the night and a few folks who were also crashing were still next door, so I told them that the backdoor was opena dnthe Wolfie and I were gonna go to sleep. I offered her my bed and I would sleep on the floor but she said we could share the bed, it would be cool with her. Now remember class, I still had NO IDEA of what was gonna happen and this was NEVER PLANNED!

SO there we are, lying in bed both fully clothed and sweating since this was the middle of summer and my AC was down stairs and didn't have enough BTUs to do the upstairs. But we got to talking again. And we ended up getting on the subject of the opposite sex. That is when I almost let out something that she could possibly take the wrong way. Well, I stopped myself and kept prodding me, literally prodding me, to tell her. She even started to tickle me! Next thing I know.. well, you can guess what happened from there.

But that is not the reason for this post..... (Had ya fooled huh??)

The reason is to tell you why I pine for Wolfie. What it is about her that makes me feel so sad when I think about her sometimes. How I want to freaking bust up shit cuz I can't be with her. Why I am so deeply, passionatly in love with this woman!

In our conversations, Wolfie has told me the reason she thinks guys like her is that she's like a guy herself, but with women parts. Well, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. That is defiently one reason I love her. But there is a lot more. And I've tried so hard in my personal journal (Which all of this has already been covered in much more detail) to explain to her and myself why I love her so much. Well, I know why I love her, but putting into words sometimes is so damn hard. It's her spirit. She so damn passionate about what she belives in. How kinda she is. She actually bought me a 200 minute tracfone card for my phone when I was short on cash. When I asked her why she told me "Because I like talking to you." And she smiled that smile I see in my dreams. I swear it was given to her by an angel. When she wants to be, she can be as gentle as a kitten, and as firece as a lion. She tough when she has to be but so damn easy going the rest of the time. There was one time (At band camp? NO!) we were spending a weekend together, our last one in fact, and I had told her that the entire weekend was about her and nothing else. Well, I did have to work that weekend, but thankfully, it was at the radio station and she could come with me and hang out. But during a break between remotes, we walked around main street in Rapid City. And endined up at the Firehouse Brewing Company for lunch. We sat outside and had a great meal and she said, Good comapny and good food made the day for her. I just sat there looking at her, as I had a habit of doing, and she had a habit of looking back at me and say something like "WHAT?! What are you looking at?" and then smile at me. I couldn't help myself. I had been doing it ever since that first night. She was so damn beautiful. Her hair, her eyes, her lips, DAMN IT! I couldn't help but be mesmerised by her. All I wanted to do was take her and make love to her. RIGHT THERE! But I think the R.C.P.D. as well as the owners would take objection to that though, so I didn't.

But that is just one of the times I remember being with her and all my problems didn't seem as bad. Life was better, home was as far away as before. The world could be ending I could have cared less. She was there. And the fact that my daugter Terry immediately took to her was impressive to me. How well they got along. And how protective of Terry, Wolfie got the more time she spent with her. Needless to say. I was in heaven.

These if for no other reasons is why I am so in love with this woman, yet I can't be with her for now. I have a picture of her sitting here on my desk and I find I can't bring myself to look at it sometimes for the simple fact, I get so damn upset that I can't see her. In a very short time, this woman has taken over my soul and I have no control of it. She's gonna be in me for a very long time, and I'm really hoping to see her soon. In an earlier post I talked about a dream I had about "The One That Got Away". I really don't want that to be the end result of things with Wolfie. If there is a God, or somekind of omnipotent being in the universe, please let me have this one thing that would make me happier then anything. Well almost anything. My daughters are right up there. But her love is worth so much to me, I couldn't put a price on it.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Haiku for Wolfie

Missing Wolfie today (When don't I miss her?) so I whippd up a haiku..

Fire hair I miss
Her smile I see in dreams
I wait for her call


Tuesday, October 04, 2005

New Digs...

Ok... so after a bunch of peer pressure from Miker over at Captain Miker's Bar & Grill, I moved the digs from myspace.com to here at Blogger. I wasn't really worried about it, but I just wanted Miker to shut up.

Anyways, sice my last post, I got my HF antenna up and running for my amateur radio, which is a Yaesu FT-901DM, and also got my computer back together with a new case and power supply.
Terry seems to have been adjusting well. She's been impressing everyone she meets and making out like a bandit. Toys, candy, money.. Wish I was that lucky.

Been thinking about Wolfie a lot. Really miss her. She hasn't been answering my text messages or my voicemails. Makes it even more hard for me. I understand why, but it just makes me think more and more about it. Ugh.. My kingdom for a Slurpee and a brain freeze!

Yeah I know, I haven't really gone into details about her, but I don't want to for some very good reasons. Needless to say, I'm still very much pining for her, even 1700 miles away. But I've been good at hiding it.

The only other thing I think about as much is find work. I'm starting to go nuts not having a job to go to on a regualr basis. I did get hired back at my old station, but I think I got spoiled at my last job since it was pretty much modern when it came to the equpiment and such. Automation, digital editing. Now I'm back to CDs, turntables and carts. Oooo.. whoopie...

I have a lot of shit I want to do and no $$ to start doing it. So if I don't some income soon, I'm gonna freak.

Here's one thing I would like to put out there, or run up the flagpole, and see what folks say.. Now since I have lost some weight, I have been getting some comments from women. Now these aren't like "Oo, did you lose some weight? You look like you did." or "You look good.". These are more like, "WOW! You're eyes look so deep and hypnotic!" or "I wanna run my fingers thorugh your hair!", or even "You have a sexy sounding voice!". Maybe all the years of not hearing anything like that is to basis for my skeptisicim, but it does kinda unsettle me a little. Yeah, it gives me a little bit of an ego boost. I mean who wouldn't get a little boost? But maybe all those years of not having as much confidence in my looks was misplaced some?

So am I now a handsome, lovesick, optimist? You tell me?!